There are times when one needs to step back and learn from those whom we have taught. That happened yesterday in worship when our youth and young adults helped us think about Christ’s hope in the midst of devastation. They led us in singing through songs they love. How good it was for me to walk into worship and learn from them.
But I want to write about how I have also learned much from the young adult generation in my own family, specifically how I have learned about marriage. Sure, I/we have 36 years of married experience, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn more.
When my son and daughter-in-law were married 5 years ago, they each knelt down in all their wedding finery and washed one another’s feet…something Jesus did for his disciples and commanded they do for one another. Now, in our congregation we wash feet on Maundy Thursday, but admittedly we only reluctantly follow our Lord’s lead and argue among ourselves that Jesus didn’t mean for it to be taken literally. But what does it say about a marriage when husband and wife begin their lives together by washing one another’s feet? What kind of gentle humility and service is prayed into that marriage? How does a priority of mutual gentle humility and service work itself out in the daily practicalities of married life? I ponder and learn.
When my daughter and son-in-law were married last year, it was in the Philadelphia Zoo in the “tree house” with peacocks strutting outside and the reception in the lobby of the rare little monkeys who watched the eating and dancing in the midst of their play. For us older folks, these two modeled a joyful playfulness about their marriage. Yes, marriages often become bound in burdens, responsibilities and expectations; it’s a part of life. But what if we are always able to honor a space for play and delight in our marriages? How does an openness to play melt defensiveness and lighten the stress?
When my nephew and new niece-in-law were married 10 days ago, it was in a YMCA chapel with the front window overlooking peaks in the Rocky Mountain National Park. There in the wedding ceremony, we learned that for the last 2 years they had written a letter to each other every night…this is after they have usually talked on the phone for a long time. A letter every night? My nephew is a quiet person. People looked at one another in surprise. There is only so much one can say, we laugh. Or is there? And so from my nephew we learn that probably all of our marriages can dig a little (or a lot) deeper at communication.
What do you think are the chances of a lasting marriage for a couple who writes to one another every night? What do you think the chances are of a lasting marriage for a couple who loves to laugh and play together? What do you think the chances are of a lasting marriage for a couple who has tenderly washed one another’s feet?
See? We learn from our children.
Daisy says
Wow….
Mich